Hump-busting lust list

Every Wednesday, I try to break out of my own midweek hump by discovering new and exciting things, cool sites or revisiting old favorites.  Why not share those with my readers?

Here is this week's "oooh" and "ahhh" worthy, hump-busting lust list:

1. I am completely obsessed with 6pm.com. They have shoes, accessories, clothes and FREE shipping on all orders! FREE!

I bought two pairs of boots from them this week.   I got these super cute Chinese Laundry riding boots for just $77 (elsewhere for $90-130 plus shipping!):

And I picked up these moto boots from Madden Girl for just $79.

They look black in the photo, but in person, they're an awesome steel grey color... I love them!

2.  Navy and Gold.  Swoon alert!  I'm seeing navy and gold combinations everywhere and I'm in love. 

It looks vaguely nautical, but the metallic makes everything look crisp and modern.  I can't get enough.

via Glitter and Goat Cheese

How about a navy kitchen with gold countertops? Beautiful, but I can't imagine they're functional.

via Houzz

via Houzz



via Decor Pad

It's even showing up on cake!

 via The Cake Blog

Once I get settled into my new house, I'm most definitely going to be explore with navy and gold.

Okay, on to the next...

3. You guys, I fondly remember going to summer camp when I was a kid.  It was such fun to meet new people, do fun things and go new places.  So why do kids have all the fun?

I went on the hunt and found this site, Grown Up Camps which features camps, retreats and get aways for adults.  ERHMERGERD!  There is an amazing list to choose from, from cooking camp in Tuscany, bull riding camp yoga retreats, special needs camps, you name it... they have it.  So pack your bags and go to camp!

4. Have some time to kill at work and need a laugh?  Check out the site dedicated to people who failed at their one and only job.  http://hadonejob.com/

via HadOneJob

via HadOneJob

5. Crock pot recipes...! 

Tis the season to be lazy. As the days get shorter, I get lazier and long for home cooking.  Plus, there is nothing better than coming home to a house that smells like a yummy dinner. I love this site for tons of recipes: http://crockpotladies.com/.    (If you have any recipes to share let me know in the comments!)

6. The Grommet (formerly The Daily Grommet). 

I stumbled on this site by accident and have been fascinated ever since. The Grommet helps innovative people launch cool new products. You can sign up for their daily email if you like and get a daily dose of inspiration and innovation!

7.  Kate McKinnon. 

Unbelievably funny breakout star of SNL who joined the cast in 2012. You guys, she's the real deal.  I know that we would be lady-bros if we met... and I have a total girl crush happening.   There are so many reasons to love her, but I particularly love this BuzzFeed rundown.


There you have it.  My favorite things this week.

Lust List Recap:
1. 6pm.com
2. Navy & Gold
3. GrownUpCamp.com
4. HadOneJob.com
5. Crock pot cooking
6. The Grommet
7. Kate McKinnon

What are your favorite things right now...? Share in the comments.

Social media Jehovah's Witnesses

Hey, remember when Facebook was fun and reading your News Feed would update you on the lives of your friends?

Facebook has become a constant steam of demands that you "watch this video," "like this sick child's photo to magically cure her disease," "check out this company," or "play Farmville with me now!".  Even worse, it's often filled with political and religious attacks/assertions like "Christians are idiots" or "If you're not Christian, you're an empty shell of a human being" or  "all Republicans are assholes" or "Democrats are stupid."

People now feel it's appropriate to share every thought and opinion on every subject with everyone they know - all through Facebook.  We used to discuss these things with like-minded friends, privately, carefully.  But now, we post it publicly on Facebook. Why? I think it serves another purpose - specifically for religious and political viewpoints.  People who post incessantly about those topics don't simply feel entitled to their opinion. They want to make YOU read it and consider it, too. They want to cram their ideology down your throat and tell you that you're a fool for disagreeing with them.

These people are social media Jehovah's witnesses and I am ducking for cover behind my couch. 

There's no filter on Facebook because YOU are supposed to be the filter. You aren't supposed to share every thought, emotion, judgement or feeling and you sure as hell shouldn't post it.  How about a little filtering?

It's social media. Socializing should be fun! But lately, Facebook doesn't feel social.  Let me ask you this...at a party, how do you socialize?  When you see someone you haven't seen in a long time, what do you ask them?  Do you run up and say "tell me your religious views on reproductive rights" or beg that a friend tell you the last 4 articles they read on Yahoo!?  I didn't think so.

I ask people about their babies, their wedding, their family. I ask how work is, how they feel, what life is like from their vantage point. I listen as my friend tells me about the new house she bought, or another tells me about her mother who's been ill. I listen as my friend (who is a pastor) tells me of what she's doing in the youth community. I squeal as I hear the story of a friend's engagement in Italy and I hug the friend who's going through a breakup. That is what socializing is.

I know...I do the same thing on occasion. I post links to this blog, an occasional video, and even an article or two. BUT, the vast majority of my posts are about me and what's going on in my life. I'm assuming you care that I had surgery, lost 50 pounds, went on a great date or had a crappy day.  But do you care that I'm Buddhist? Democrat? Single? Fiscally moderate? Like the color red?  Do you care what I ate for dinner? Do you want to know if I'm mad at my sister/ brother/father/friend?  Should we all air our dirty laundry on Facebook and spew hateful messages about others, their views, their religion?  I don't think so. I think we should all try to be a little more social and a little less Jehovah-y, dropping by on a Saturday afternoon uninvited with a copy of Watchtower.

I am your friend because I want to be YOUR friend. You'll notice I don't have 1,500 friends on Facebook. That's  because I don't care about 1,500 people. I care about maybe 300 or 400 people. And you're it. YOU.  You have a direct link to me everyday via the iPhone in my hand ~16 hours a day. A link into my head, into my world, into my life. Isn't that delightful?

Please, don't use that as an opportunity to shove your religious or political views down my throat.  That's what Jehovah's Witnesses do...I'm minding my own business on a Saturday afternoon and they're suddenly on my porch, wanting to talk about Christ Our Lord. Interestingly, they never want to leave me their home address so I can drop by their house later to chat.

I love you.

I'm your friend.
But I am never, EVER going to ask for your thoughts on God, politics or play Farmville with you. 

It's your turn to say something.
Please...make it interesting.

Happiness by swiping a card

I'm not happy, dear readers.

I'm in a holding pattern, waiting for things to fall into place.  I've decided to move back to Michigan after 14 years away, but first, I need to sell my house. So, I'm waiting for my house to sell. And I'm waiting to quit my job. And I'm waiting to find a new house in Michigan. I'm just...waiting.

Last week, I met a few old friends at a local pub. Over our autumnal beers, we started talking about happiness.  One of them told me the story of a woman I'll call Mary. Mary was a powerful, driven consultant in Manhattan pulling in $200,000+ per year.  She was great at her job, successful, full of ambition.

One day, Mary decided she wasn't happy and decided to quit her job as a consultant. Instead, she went to a local health club and got a job at the front desk swiping access cards & saying "Welcome to XYZ gym." After years of ambition, achievement and responsibility, Mary dropped out of the rat race and found what she'd been missing...happiness.

I'm excited to move to Michigan and spend time with family and friends. But as I think about my future, I'm not sure that I want to simply move to Detroit, get a job, buy a house, renovate houses, or do any of the things I've done before. I'm not sure I want the same life anymore.

I've made my career the focus of my life for 14 years and I've been very successful. Like Mary, my career has been a huge part of my identity, a defining characteristic of who I am. So what does it mean if I don't want to do it anymore...?

Sitting in that pub last week, my friends encouraged me to do what Mary did - to take a break. To do something that makes me happy, no matter how mindless or ridiculous it may seem to others. To find my own equivalent of swiping health club membership cards.  In the process, we all deduced, I just might find happiness again.

So that's what I'm going to do. I'd planned to take a short break anyway, but now it'll be a break with purpose.  I'm going to pursue happiness in all it's forms.

I've started making a list of things I want to do, but haven't had the time:

• take dance classes
• blog more
• write a book
• write another book
• finally attempt Julia Child's beef bourguignon recipe (it takes all day)
• run more
• meditate daily
• volunteer
• take more photos
• organize my photos
• do craft projects
• scrapbook
• learn to sew
• read more books
• learn a foreign language

...and the list goes on and on. 

But first, I'm going to get lost for a while. Maybe I'll spend a month in Italy. Or France. Or Greece.

I want to be somewhere I've never been, with no agenda, no "to-do" list, no responsibilities.

Life is short.
It's time to get happy.

Let me 'splain...

Wow... my last blog was 3 months ago. May and June were two of the busiest months of my life. I have been putting off updating the blog because I want to tell these long stories for each item.  So, 3 months has gone by.

Let me 'splain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up. 
Buttercup is marry Hum... wait, that's not right.

Oh, here we go...

I started a new job in late April.  I enjoy the work and really like some of the people I work with.  I miss my old location, my friends, my gym buddies, but I'm meeting great people here, too.  Change is good, right?

I finished my master suite "refresh" (since I didn't knock down any walls, I can hardly call it a renovation.)  It's amazing and everyday, I love walking into my little sanctuary.  I'll post pictures of the finished product soon. 

I also finished the renovation of the upstairs master bedroom and bathroom gut renovation.  I laid new flooring, new vanity, toilet, mirror, plus new closet organizer systems in both closets, new paint, trim, and a new ceiling fan (with remote!).

My new tenant, Amanda, moved in successfully.

In early June, I reached a massive goal... I became a triathlete!  I 'll post a full race report with photos soon.  But, I will say that I'm very proud of myself and I'm training for my second triathlon which is in September!

All in all, life is good. I made it through a busy two months without pulling my hair out.

I'll post more soon, dear readers.   How about you...how has your summer been so far?

Renovation chaos

Renovating always involves chaos. But my current situation takes the cake. In the next 6 weeks I'll renovate my downstairs master suite (bedroom, bathroom, closet and sitting room), move into that master suite, renovate the upstairs master bedroom and bathroom, my current tenant will move out, one new tenant will move in, I need to pick a second tenant and move them in, and I'll refinish my back deck. Oh, and I'll paint/create my own headboard, complete my first triathlon, start a new job and host 2 dinner parties.  Whew! I'm exhausted just typing that.

As stressful as this current situation is, like most renovations, the end result will be wonderful. The send upstairs area will really be the "tenant area" (plus the laundry room and my office) and I'll have a lot of  privacy in the (huge) master suite at the back of the house.

I've made good progress so far.

Step 1 - renovate the master suite downstairs so that I can move into it and begin renovations upstairs.

I started with the closet since it's a small room but packs a lot of punch.  I've updated it with fresh paint, a new light fixture, plush new carpet and a new shelving system.

             

I love it!  At 8'x5', it's also much larger than the closet upstairs and I FINALLY have an area for hanging long dresses. Yay!

Next, I turned my attention to the master bedroom and sitting room.  The walls and ceiling were painted 1980's Miami-Vice inspired blue and pink. Isn't that rad?

i decided to go with a warm neutral palate instead. I painted the ceiling crisp white and the walls a warm taupe color by Behr called Pebbled Courtyard. 

The result is the serene, calm space I was hoping for! 

Next, I updated the blue can lights (that were falling out of the ceiling) to a more sleek, flush mount white can.

I love how they just disappear into the ceiling, the way can lights should!

A few months back, a friend helped me install a new ceiling fan which I think looks great in the new space. It's not crooked in real life... bad photographer!
I also LOVE that the fan has a remote for the light and fan! It makes me feel spoiled for the low price of $129.

Now that the bedroom, sitting room and closet were up to par, I turned my attention to the small deck off the master suite. I day dream about drinking my morning coffee out there, listening to the birds chip, maybe doing some yoga.

The deck, however, does not inspire me to do any of those things.  It was filthy, covered in mildew and algae, filthy and had no redeeming qualities.

 After a 90 minutes and the business end of a powerwasher, it was at least clean and free of mildew.

I decided to use a deck paint instead of stain to get great coverage. The wood is not in great shape and I really wanted a uniform surface that covered the grain. I decided on Porch and Deck paint in a color called Chocolate.

This is how it looks in indirect light (and still wet).

This morning, in direct morning sunshine, it looked like this.  

I can't decide if it's too light or just right...

So there's a bit about my progress.  I have a LONG to do list and not enough hours in the day. I need to get back to work.

To be continued.... 

Big. Fat. Failure

Lately, everyone seems to be noticing my weight loss. As of today, I'm down 48 pounds (see the 40 pound before/after's here). Friends, coworkers and gym buddies have praised and encouraged me. They've said that I'm amazing, a machine, that I've motivated them to start (or restart) their fitness plan or weight loss.  At least a dozen people have said that I'm an inspiration to them.

Me?

An inspiration?

Every time someone says that, some alarm bell goes off in my head and before I can stop myself, the words come pouring out of my mouth..."What? Me? No. Not me! I'm not an inspiration. I mean, I've lost some weight, but, no....I'm no inspiration."

And then, almost always, I remind them that I weighed 262.2 pounds at my heaviest.  I tell them I'm still 214 and a size 14/16. I admit I still need to lose 34 pounds to reach my ideal/goal weight of 180 or so. (*)

Which begs the question...WHY do I do that?

Because I don't feel like an inspiration. Deep down, I still feel like a big fat failure.

I've just admitted my weight at the top of this blog for the world to see and I've got a knot in my stomach as I type. It's humiliating to see it there, in black and white. 262.2?!?! I'm fighting the urge to go back and delete it from the blog out of embarrassment.

Being fat IS embarrassing.  Let's get real about it.  No one likes being fat. If someone tells you they enjoy being fat, they're lying. Being fat is easy, but it's not much fun. There's nothing fun about wearing black all the time, elastic waist bands and strategically cropping every photo to hide your belly, butt, arms or thighs.

For me, 262.2 not only represents failure, but sickness.  The autoimmune disease that led to my weight gain also caused itchy skin, severe hives, hair loss, brittle nails, joint pain, depression, severe exhaustion and much more.  For more than a year, I was very sick. Doctor after doctor dismissed me as fat and lazy and told me to "...eat less and exercise more." When I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's, I was eating just 1,000 calories a day and still gaining weight each month. After gaining 50 pounds in under a year, it was clear to me. I was a failure, plain and simple.

My feelings of failure are like baggage I carried with me everyday. Over time, the feeling of failure became like a perfectly worn backpack.

I grew used to carrying it around each day - just like the excess weight on my body.  I became familiar with it's heft, comfortable with the burden it imposed on me.  I grew to know every inch of that backpack, the spots of weakness in the material, the stains, rips, patches. I know how to hide it around others, make self-deprecating jokes about it, and shove every bad feeling I've ever had about my weight and health into it.  I was successful in every area of my life but a failure in one...my weight/health/fitness.  So, day in and day out, I carried that backpack with me, filled with all my feelings of failure, laziness, and frustration.

And I never set it down...that's the funny thing about being fat. You can never escape it, not even for a moment. You're fat morning, noon and night. You're fat in pajamas, jeans or a ball gown.

I was diagnosed more than a year ago and after A LOT of trial and error, I've finally found a thyroid medication and dosage that works for me. I haven't skipped a workout in almost 7 months. I workout 6 or 7 days (or 6-10 hours) each week including running, swimming, biking, HIIT training, weights. I eat balanced, healthy foods high in fiber, lean protein, vegetables, fruit and whole grains. I've lost 48 pounds and 35.5 inches from my body.  I'm working my tail off!  Why am I uncomfortable with praise? Why do I blanch when someone says I inspire them?

Because I'm still carrying that baggage around. I've shed some of the excess weight, absolutely. But the problem with being a Big Fat Failure is that during your transformation, no one ever comes along and tells you it's okay to set down your baggage.  I don't have Bob Harper or Jillian Michaels saying "Oh, you can put down that bag, Jules. You're not a failure anymore." I've kept it with me.  And it's time to set it down, let it go and move on.

This is where I'm supposed to type a nice happy ending.

I've been drafting this blog for more than 2 weeks and I've been struggling with the ending. Like any writer,  I want to tie up the loose ends of the story and be able to type "The End."  I want to tell you that I've figured it all out, that I'm aware that the feelings of failure are no longer true (and actually never were). I want to tell you that I'm fixed...and mentally as healthy as I am physically! Ta-da!  But dear readers, I can't do that.

I'm still carrying around those old feelings of failure and inadequacy. It still feels comfortable, that old backpack. It's familiar and a part of me. But for the first time in a long time, I ALSO feel fit, strong, healthy and proud. I frequently set that old pack down for a few minutes, or hours or days.  And in those moments, I feel blissfully light... literally and figuratively.

One day, I know I'll just forget to pick up that old bag and I'll leave it there on the floor, forgotten and unclaimed.  It won't belong to me anymore.  But for now, it's part of me.  I'm just going to keep stacking up achievements until my successes outweigh my failures.

This story doesn't have an end.

This is, ironically, The Beginning.

                                                                

========================================================================
*My target weight was determined by a hydrostatic body composition test, the most accurate measure of body fat percentage and overall composition. After determining my lean mass of 147 lbs (muscle, bone, organs), my target weight was calculated to be between 177-181. My composition may change as I gain or lose muscle, so that target may change.

Life Crop

When writing a recent blog, I searched for "before" photos to demonstrate my weight loss. I've lost 50 pounds now (huzzah!) and I'd like to see my progress.

I spent almost an hour pouring through photo albums, flash drives and folders trying to find a full length photo of myself. I finally slammed the lid of my laptop, frustrated with the situation...and myself.

There are none, zip, zero! There is a period of years where I didn't take a single full length picture of myself. Not a single one.  I hid from the camera because I didn't like what I saw. And any photos that I did have, I'd crop strategically to cut out my arms, my butt, my rolls or my gut.

I recently read a blog post about this that my cousin found and shared.  You can check it out here.
http://myfriendteresablog.com/so-youre-feeling-too-fat-to-be-photographed/

I'm a part time photographer and just like this blogger and (I think) my cousin, I'm super happy behind the camera and not all that comfortable in front of it. If you turn the lens around, I start finding ways to hide myself. Is there a couch, small child, person or plant I can stand behind? Can I cross my arms over my stomach? I have to pull my shirt out away from my fat rolls, suck in my stomach, angle my face down to minimize double chins and then SNAP! you've got your photo of me.

It's exhausting and the irony is, after all of that...(spoiler alert) I will still HATE this photo when I see it.  Because I don't really like what I see in the mirror. It has nothing to do with the photo.  I can't find the right angle or suck it all in. I don't like that I'm fat. I sure as hell don't like photographic evidence of it.

That blog and my picture search helped me realize I was cutting myself out of my own life, one photo at a time. So, I'm going to focus on taking plenty of photos of myself this year...and every year after this. Because now I love how I feel and look. And that feels wonderful.

I'm shrinking Jules... and I feel like I'm really growing.

How about you...do you avoid the camera or love it?  Tell me about it in the comments!