Trading a house for a home

If you're not familiar with my adventures in restoration, read my love story post first. Actually, even if you ARE familiar... go re-read that post. It's good context! (I'll wait...)

If you're the kind of person who moves into a house and never changes the paint colors, this post won't resonate with you.  But for the rest of you, you know how it feels to put a little bit of your style into a house. Maybe you've stripped wallpaper or pulled back the carpet to find hardwood floors hidden underneath. A few hours worth of work and you've fixed, cleaned or replaced something. You've made it better.

I bought my last house when I was a young, optimistic, single woman. Over the next four years, I would repair or replace every single wall, ceiling, floor, door, light fixture, electrical outlet and piece of trim. That's no exaggeration.  I gutted all 4 bathrooms and rebuilt them from the floor up.  I gutted and rebuilt the kitchen. I put in all new lighting, floors and major systems (HVAC, roof, electrical panel). I took down walls, fixed beams, and sistered joists. I had help from friends, family, and a few contractors. All told, I spent 208 weekends working on that house.

I saved the place.   And then, not long after I finished, I decided to sell it.

I think a decaying house is like a bad marriage. It takes years of neglect to create the problems, but with hard work, you can almost always fix it. And I believe in fixing what can be fixed. Saving what other people deem "a lost cause."  But, imagine spending 4 years in couples counseling.  After 4 years of hard work, you wake up one morning, look at your partner and realize you have the exact marriage you've always wanted. It's perfect and you're content.  And then you ask for a divorce.

That's exactly what I did.  I sold my house in January of 2014. I just went back for the first time a few weeks ago. Driving up to the house, I felt so many emotions.  The new owners painted the exterior, replacing the sunny yellow with a shade of grayish blue. I'd like to tell you the color is all wrong, but in fact, it looks lovely.  Other than that, it's exactly the same as the day I left.  But, what was once the "love of my life" was now, just a house.

That's the lesson, I think.  A house is just a house. It's 4 walls and a roof.  It keeps you warm and safe and dry. I realize now that after 4 years of restoring that house, I loved it, but it still wasn't a home.  A house becomes a home when it's filled with love, family, memories, laughter, tears, fights, make-ups, dreams and hopes. A home holds all the beauty and love and heart that you bring to it.

After I sold my house, I traveled Europe for 3.5 months. Read about my European meltdown here. And then moved back to Michigan.  I fell madly in love and my life changed forever.   We moved to Chicago and we've created a home filled with laughter, the pitter-patter of little feet, with squeals of joy, family dinners, fights, make-ups, forts, bedtime stories and long discussions about our future.

Rich and I will buy a house soon enough, a place for our family to put down roots. But now I know...anywhere I go with these boys, I'm home.

Prom dress to be proud of

Oh, I've gotta rant!

I was enjoying my coffee this morning and came across this article on HuffPo Women. Mine may not be a popular opinion, but as I read this article, I was really annoyed, for a variety of reasons. Totally blog-worthy.

The short story is that these 4 photos were hung up a Florida high school. The three most revealing dresses indicate that they won't be acceptable for prom. The fourth (less revealing) dress indicated they're welcome at prom and says "good girl." After reading the article, it sounds like a staff member put up the photos, but it was not approved by the administration, nor was it an "official" school poster.

First and foremost, let me say that the "good girl" line related to a young woman's clothing choice is condescending and abhorrent. Girls and women aren't "good" or "bad" based on what they wear, and the phrasing of "good girl" is just gross and sexist and pejorative.

NEVERTHELESS...

I don't think that a poster encouraging modesty and decency for prom should cause this huge uproar, and certainly NOT an uproar in the name of "standing up against sexism" and "women's/girls rights." It's great to see young people getting involved, standing up for something and making their voices heard, but this is not an atrocity against women.

Women all around the world are still subjected to genuine horrors like female genital mutilation, forced marriages, bride burning, marital rape, date rape, sex trafficking, and more. Don't get me started on rampant gender inequality and sexism.
Please, stand up against sexism and atrocities against women. But the high school poster is NOT that. This is a suggestion of decency in a time when young women are all too eager to bare everything.

Being told to cover up isn't a war on women. It's part of life. Parents should be teaching their kids what's appropriate, including how to dress. Not to get off on another tangent, but the reason things like this are being posted is because parents don't parent! My mom would have died before she'd let me wear something like this. 

Source: Rue the Day, Luulla and XDresses.com

Can you wear whatever dress you want? Yes
Does a revealing dress make you a "bad girl"? No
Does it mean that boys/men can take advantage of you, call you names, or touch you? No
Does it mean that you're a slut? No
Should men judge you by your outfit? Maybe not.

Do people (male and female) make assumptions about you based on your clothing? YES, OF COURSE!!

Sorry, girls. But, them's the facts.
In modern culture, our image is carefully cultivated. Every style choice you make says something about who you are. Celebrities and actors carefully choose every element of every outfit in order to cultivate a very specific image and "brand" for themselves. (Well, they have stylists who do that, obvs.) Why do they do that? Because the clothing you wear says A LOT about you. Young women cannot be naive to this fact.

Jackie Kennedy carefully cultivated her image.

And so has Nikki Minaj.

Women can't continue to behave and dress in a sexually precocious manner, while simultaneously saying "don't treat me as a sex object." You can't have it both ways, ladies. Again, I'll reiterate that I'm NOT victim blaming. No girl or woman should ever be victimized, harassed or attacked as a result of her clothing choices, no matter how risque. Nothing you do, say or wear justifies indecent or criminal behavior by a boy or man. But your clothing choice DOES say something about you.

If you want to be shown respect, demonstrate self-respect.

If you want to be treated like a lady, you'll need to act like one.
Back to the article. I understand the students didn't like that poster. I understand that they don't want to be shamed and I completely agree the tone and the language used was outrageous. But this isn't sexism. It isn't an assult on your rights as a woman. It's a message of modesty, and it's a decent message.

 “Unfortunately what happened here is a symptom of what is still happening to girls in this country – this over-sexualization of our bodies and emphasis on it,” she said. “Girls are made to feel responsible for what a boy ‘might do or feel’ in response to how we dress. Dress codes are grossly outdated for 2017.”  -Lily WIllimgton, student at Stanton College Prep

I'm sorry, but no, Lily from Stanton College Prep.  You have it all wrong. The person telling y'all to dress more modestly isn't the one over-sexualizing your bodies. You girls are doing that to yourselves.