When writing a recent blog, I searched for "before" photos to demonstrate my weight loss. I've lost 50 pounds now (huzzah!) and I'd like to see my progress.
I spent almost an hour pouring through photo albums, flash drives and folders trying to find a full length photo of myself. I finally slammed the lid of my laptop, frustrated with the situation...and myself.
There are none, zip, zero! There is a period of years where I didn't take a single full length picture of myself. Not a single one. I hid from the camera because I didn't like what I saw. And any photos that I did have, I'd crop strategically to cut out my arms, my butt, my rolls or my gut.
I recently read a blog post about this that my cousin found and shared. You can check it out here.
http://myfriendteresablog.com/so-youre-feeling-too-fat-to-be-photographed/
I'm a part time photographer and just like this blogger and (I think) my cousin, I'm super happy behind the camera and not all that comfortable in front of it. If you turn the lens around, I start finding ways to hide myself. Is there a couch, small child, person or plant I can stand behind? Can I cross my arms over my stomach? I have to pull my shirt out away from my fat rolls, suck in my stomach, angle my face down to minimize double chins and then SNAP! you've got your photo of me.
It's exhausting and the irony is, after all of that...(spoiler alert) I will still HATE this photo when I see it. Because I don't really like what I see in the mirror. It has nothing to do with the photo. I can't find the right angle or suck it all in. I don't like that I'm fat. I sure as hell don't like photographic evidence of it.
That blog and my picture search helped me realize I was cutting myself out of my own life, one photo at a time. So, I'm going to focus on taking plenty of photos of myself this year...and every year after this. Because now I love how I feel and look. And that feels wonderful.
I'm shrinking Jules... and I feel like I'm really growing.
How about you...do you avoid the camera or love it? Tell me about it in the comments!
